


Parallel Lines

by elyndys



Series: Geometry [2]
Category: Kanjani8 (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-11
Updated: 2014-01-11
Packaged: 2018-01-08 08:31:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1130491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elyndys/pseuds/elyndys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes you get second chances. Sometimes you have to make them yourself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Parallel Lines

It isn’t like things are any different between him and Yoko after what happened in Thailand. In fact, they’re exactly the same. They go on location together and mess about and laugh and Yoko puts his hand on Maru’s shoulder just like he always does, and it makes Maru happy. He forgets all about Thailand. Well, maybe not forgets. But he looks back and it’s like any other holiday memory that he has with a friend. He’s done plenty of silly, funny things that anyone else might find embarrassing, but Maru doesn’t really – and even if he does, he enjoys the embarrassment anyway. He doesn’t mention it, Yoko doesn’t mention it, it’s all fine.

So it takes Maru a little while to realise that somewhere, deep down, he’s a little disappointed. He wonders why. What did he want to happen? Did he want Yoko to blush the next time they met, smile at him like a girl, show he’d been thinking of Maru? What would he have done then? Asked Yoko out on a date? The thought makes Maru giggle. He actually thinks going on a date with Yoko would be fun. But the thought of… _courting_ Yoko, like he’s trying to win the affections of a shy girl, is funny.

Maybe, he starts to think, he’d actually be pretty OK with it if Yoko did decide he wanted to pursue this further. But Maru doesn’t think it’s worth the risk to chase it himself. And that actually makes him feel a little bit bad, like he’s doing Yoko a disservice. After all, Yoko would never be so forward, he wouldn’t even give Maru the chance even if he wanted it.

At least he reckons they must’ve done a first class job of acting normal – or maybe it’s just because Maru’s usual behaviour is so un-normal that no-one knows the difference. Either way, Hina hasn’t said a word, hasn’t given him a single curious look. There’s no reason why he should, but the thought hangs around in Maru’s head like a tune from an advert he’s heard too often, and it starts other thoughts coming too.

Maybe a part of his disappointment is that Hina – or anyone else - _hasn’t_ picked up on anything. He feels like a criminal who wants to be caught – he still can’t shake the feeling, that this is something Hina is somehow involved in, even if it’s only in his own mind. The thought that he’s had since Thailand keeps resurfacing – wondering what Hina would say if he knew. The wondering gets stronger every time. There are other thoughts lurking too, and he doesn’t want to examine them too closely, but some kind of door was opened in Thailand and now they keep sneaking through. What if it had been Hina? Why shouldn’t it have been? He had fun with Yoko, it worked out fine. It could again. These thoughts feel dangerous, but they stick around, and the more Maru thinks about it, the more it seems like something he wants to try. He could never have predicted what happened with Yoko, after all.

When he’s alone, the thoughts come with more and more regularity, digging a little deeper every time. He worries that one day he just won’t be able to control them, he’ll go to do something normal like put his arm round Hina’s shoulders and it’ll turn to _flirting_. He thinks it’s not rejection he’s worried about, or messing up their friendship – the thing that concerns him is, would Hina even notice the difference in his behaviour? Would he just laugh it off as more of the usual? Then Maru would really feel dumb.

If he really did want to try anything, he couldn’t be clumsy, he’d have to be bold and decisive. Pick the right moment. He sees Hina all the time, though, so it’s not like he has to create excuses.

They go out to the sauna and for dinner, easy and light.

They’re strolling aimlessly through the city afterwards when Maru spots a fortune teller. “Have you ever had it done before?” he asks Hina.

“Sure I have, loads of times, you were there for most of them.”

Maru shakes his head. “No, not for TV, a proper one!”

Hina tilts his head. “Well, I guess not,” he says, hesitant for some reason.

Maru smiles. “You wanna try?” He wonders if Hina is nervous – Hina likes concrete things, he’s not so keen on the uncertainty that Maru loves about the world of the paranormal. Or maybe he doesn’t want Maru to be there if he’s going to find out embarrassing details about his future. “Aren’t you curious about what might happen?” he asks mischievously.

Hina laughs a little. “Nah, even if they told me something bad, I’d just do what I could to make sure that didn’t happen,” he says. “Isn’t that defeating the point?”

“No, no!” Maru assures him. “It can be more like a… a guide, or a warning, or one way things could go if such-a-thing happened…”

Hina laughs again. “So what _is_ the point?”

Maru giggles and nudges him. “It’s just fun, OK?” Maybe Maru _is_ looking for clues as to what might be around the corner, but Maru isn’t going to tell Hina that, because Maru really doesn’t need him to point out that that’s dumb to expect from a street-corner fortune teller. Maru thinks that at the very least, it can’t hurt.

Hina sighs. “Alright, if it’ll keep you quiet,” he says, and Maru doesn’t manage to bite back his laugh at how parental Hina sounds.

“Do you want me to go first?” Maru asks.

“Nah, I’m fine,” Hina says needlessly, and sits on the little stool opposite the little man in the linen jacket.

He takes Hina’s palm in his hands and studies it, nodding. “You’re doing well, aren’t you, young man?” He gives Hina a friendly smile. “You’re planning wisely for the future. There’s nothing to say that, if you continue, you won’t succeed.”

Hina nods, his eyes fixed on his palm.

“Be careful of your health though – you may still feel young now, but you’re at an age where things might start to turn soon.” He gives Hina an apologetic sort of smile. “I’m sorry, but I can see you’re used to a very physical life, so be sure to exercise caution once in a while.”

Hina nods again, seemingly caught up in it. Maru smiles.

The man chuckles in a kindly way. “You’re a very forthright person, aren’t you?”

Hina laughs. “They tell me so,” he says, and Maru nods, grinning.

“But I can see there’s a person you’re not quite so open with,” the man says, looking Hina in the eye and holding up his hand. “And I can see this is a bit of a sticking point for you, even if you try not to think about it.” He gives Hina a twinkly smile. “Maybe you need to change your methods. Be a bit more gentle!”

Hina laughs. “I’ll bear that in mind,” he says, getting up so Maru can have a turn.

He offers his hand and the man looks down at it. When he speaks, his tone is softer, less playful. “I can see some conflict here,” he murmurs, and Maru sits forward, suddenly feeling his heart thudding. The fortune teller looks up suddenly and meets Maru’s eyes over the top of his glasses. “The grass isn’t always greener,” he says seriously. Maru nods, rapt. “It’s good to dream sometimes. But sometimes you should realise what you already have.”

There’s a moment’s silence, and Maru stares at his palm, then up into the man’s eyes. He laughs nervously, sweating a little.

The fortune teller looks at both of them. “I can go into more detail, for a very reasonable price,” he offers with a winning smile.

Maru looks at Hina, but Hina shakes his head right away. “No, I think we’re OK, thanks,” he says, getting out his wallet. They pay the man for the brief consultation and carry on.

“That was interesting,” enthuses Maru, smiling.

“If by ‘interesting’ you mean, so vague that of course it’s going to look like it applies to your life,” Hina laughs.

“Well, maybe you’d’ve got more specifics if you’d gone for the longer session,” Maru says, smiling. He wonders whether to tease Hina about his ‘sticking point’, but somehow the thought makes him self-conscious, like Hina could say something very sharp right back at him. Even though of course Hina doesn’t know it.

Hina just laughs again. “They do see people like you coming, you know that?”

Maru grins. “Yeah, nice little earner, right? You should look into it,” he teases.

Hina laughs uproariously. “Me, a fortune teller?!”

“Yeah!” says Maru, warming to the topic. “I mean, the whole point is helping people decide on issues in their lives, right? You’d be great at it! Everyone would be like, Yeah! I can do this!” Maru pumps his fist to illustrate a satisfied client.

Hina claps him on the shoulder, still laughing. “I’d just tell them to stop dithering and get on with it!”

“But that’s what most people want!” Maru says encouragingly. “See, you’re a natural!”

“But I’m not what you’d call… spiritually sensitive,” Hina says, and Maru giggles. “I don’t know anything about fate and spirits and all that!”

“I can take care of that side of it for you, tell you all about it,” Maru says promptly. “For a negotiable fee…”

Hina laughs. “So you’re my psychic pimp?”

Maru laughs delightedly. “Exactly!”

“You wanna come hang out at mine?” Hina asks, when they start to think about getting taxis, and of course Maru agrees automatically.

They’ve been back at Hina’s apartment for a while when Hina says, as casually as he can, “Do you notice something different about Yoko?”

Maru suddenly feels hot. “Different?” he tries.

“Yeah…” Hina says thoughtfully. “I dunno, it seems like he’s been a bit… quieter. Like there’s something on his mind.”

Maru casts around for anything he can say to turn this around. “So you do pay attention to how he’s doing, that’s sweet,” he says with an impish smile.

But Hina is faster. “You mean you’ve noticed too?”

Maru hopes his face isn’t as red as it feels. “I can’t say I have,” he hedges. “He was fine when we filmed together the other week.”

“Yeah…” Hina concedes, frowning. “Maybe it’s just when it’s him and me,” he adds.

“I’m sure you’re imagining it,” Maru says, wondering if maybe they hadn’t been acting so normal after all. Usually Maru would smile to hear Hina talking this way, so unusually serious, but talking about Yoko is making him edgy – until it clicks and he realises why Hina suddenly says this now. He’s glad he didn’t tease Hina about the person who’s his ‘sticking point’, because Hina is obviously feeling a little paranoid about it. To Maru’s relief, he guesses Hina probably hasn’t connected this to Thailand at all, and not to Maru either.

But he’s noticed something. Something Maru hasn’t. Maybe Yoko feels the same as him, that somehow Hina is tangled up in all this for some reason, and he can’t hide it when they’re together.

They keep talking and messing around till it’s late, and it’s Hina who says he wants to go to sleep first. Hina always lets Maru have the bed; Hina’s got plenty of space in his apartment, so he sleeps on the bedroom floor.

When Hina turns out the light Maru can feel his heart thumping. They’re friends, real friends, they’re easygoing and comfortable and Maru keeps thinking about how Hina asked him about Yoko like that, confided in him about something that was bothering him. He’s touched, that Hina trusted him with that.

They’re friends, as good friends as Maru is with anyone, but lying here, listening to hear if Hina’s fallen asleep yet, all the thoughts and whispers of desires that have been gently building up since Thailand are louder than ever. He feels a new kind of confidence, here in the dark, like _If_ that _could happen, what else could?_ It feels safe, when he can’t see Hina’s eyes, when he’s on his territory. Maybe he’s being cocky, but the feeling has been nagging at him for so long, he wants to get it out of his system. It didn’t do anyone any harm before. Even if Hina doesn’t want it, what’s one kiss between friends?

He slips off the bed. “Shin-chan?” he whispers into the darkness, close to where Hina is lying.

“Mm? What?” Hina says out loud. He sounds mainly awake.

Maru is quiet. He doesn’t know what he can say. So he feels around for a moment, trying to figure out where Hina’s face is.

The silence stretches out, and Hina shifts, starts to sit up, starts to say “What-” but that’s when Maru finds his lips and kisses him impulsively.

It’s only when his lips are on Hina’s that he thinks maybe he shouldn’t have done this in the dark at all, in the light it would be so much easier to pass it off as a joke, something he’s done with other people plenty of times before; what was he thinking?! Sometimes, Maru reflects, these things are a great idea until he actually does them.

He tries to hide his sudden doubt, starts to pull away, but Hina’s already kissing back, and Maru’s heart flips in his chest. If he’d known it would be this easy, he thinks, maybe he would’ve tried it sooner. Hina’s lips are warm, the kiss is just as easygoing as dinner or watching TV together. But this feels like a parallel universe, a foreign country where there can be no repercussions or awkwardness or weird feelings. Just going with the flow. It would be too easy to just carry on, like this was an American movie.

This isn’t the sort of thing friends do – or so Maru thought until Thailand. Even as they kiss he’s still torn between the confidence that _It worked out the last time_ and the cold fear that this is just _different_ , that he’s started something he isn’t sure he can finish. Maybe this _is_ hubris, maybe he should’ve been content with one time. Too late now.

 _I should stop this,_ thinks Maru, though he doesn’t know how. _I should stop this,_ until he realises Hina’s hand is sliding up his thigh and they’re both hard, and the last thing Maru can think about is stopping. His heart is hammering inside his chest, he hopes he doesn’t just pass out right there, because Hina would never let him hear the end of it.

Hina is touching him over his boxers, and as if in a dream, Maru does the same. He doesn’t want to make a sound, as if it will bring Hina to his senses and he’ll stop, and Maru really doesn’t want to stop, however much he’d thought they should.

Maru’s head is spinning, he has no idea how this happened, but when Hina’s hand slips inside his underwear and touches him, hot on his skin, he thinks about Yoko. This is so different. They’re sober, they’re at home, they’re in Hina’s _bed_ \- Maru doesn’t know why this is happening, doesn’t understand. But he can’t think straight, all he can focus on is Hina’s hand stroking him, Hina’s lips kissing him. He fumbles around and grasps Hina’s dick, his stomach flipping with teenage excitement as they touch each other. Hina’s hand is firm and efficient, and there’s nothing Maru can do to stop himself rushing headlong right through, spilling himself against Hina’s stomach with a moan he can’t keep inside.

He’s still shaking when Hina closes his other hand over Maru’s faltering one, using it to stroke himself, fast and harder than Maru would have done it. Hina comes without making a sound except his breathing, ragged and quick. It’s not what Maru would have imagined.

They let each other go slowly and Hina passes him some kind of wet wipe to clean up with. Maru expects Hina to say something, but he doesn’t; the silence probably isn’t as long as it feels to Maru, but he blurts out anyway “Are you going to have a cigarette?”

He hears Hina chuckle in the darkness. “Nah, you wouldn’t like it, would you?” he says. “And I’m not getting out of bed. So I’ll do without.”

Maru grins. “That’s considerate of you,” he murmurs.

“Of course!” Hina says, mild affront in his voice, but Maru can tell he’s smiling.

Maru doesn’t want to move, so he just lies there, confident Hina won’t chuck him out. It’s not long before he can tell Hina’s fallen asleep, but Maru just can’t, can’t stop turning this over and over in his head. This would be enough by itself, but he can’t stop himself from thinking about Yoko too. Just like in Thailand thinking of Hina made him uneasy afterwards, thinking of Yoko does now. There’s nothing special between him and Yoko, but he can’t help thinking – Yoko’s so fragile in his feelings, if he knew, Maru thinks he’d be genuinely hurt! Even if he doesn’t want Maru for himself, he’d feel compared, Maru knows it.

 _“Was I not enough?”_ he hears Yoko whining in his head. _”I was just the warm up! You weren’t satisfied!”_ Thinking about it too hard is funny, but sort of creepy.

Maru smiles wryly at himself, stuck on Yoko now he’s had the other one. _The grass isn’t always greener…_ Whatever you get, you want the other thing, the further thing, the thing it seems you’ll never have. Even if you’ve had it in the palm of your hand. Maybe especially then. He feels like maybe you shouldn’t always get what you wish for, but that doesn’t stop him wishing.

Maru sleeps fitfully, and as soon as Hina is awake he wakes Maru up.

“Do you want some tea? And I’ve got this great bread at the moment.”

Maru nods groggily. His head can’t keep up anymore. Of course it’s great and wonderful that things aren’t awkward between them. But Maru’s been in this place before, and knows how it lurked in the back of his mind – not even in an unpleasant way, but now it’s crested and he can’t shake it off, he _wants_ to discuss it, he needs to say something, he wants to be able to talk about it, with both of them, even if it’s just for a moment. Wants to broach the topic, even if they never mention it again. Just to test… just to see.

And yet, when he sees Hina, like he has done so many times, drinking tea and reading the paper in his kitchen in just a t-shirt and boxers, it’s so normal that all the difficult words melt away and he slips right back into the usual routine.

Until he’s by himself again. It looms into his mind again, nagging him, an itch he knows he shouldn’t scratch. But he’s curious! Last night with Hina felt good, it felt friendly and comfortable and okay. But he feels like he’s second guessing, feels like the time with Yoko happened so soon before that it cast a shadow. Or maybe it’s more like a reflection.

He feels like he needs to talk about it with someone. Help him get his ideas sorted out. He thinks about going back to the fortune teller and paying him the extra money. But no, even he knows that isn’t going to be the best guidance in the world. Maru isn’t in the habit of this, but Yasu once said if he had a dilemma like that, he’d call a friend, chat with them about it; so Maru hopes that that means he’d be willing to do the same for him. He decides to try out Yasu’s method.

It’s after an Ariehen taping, which makes it extra-awkward.

“You wanna come get something to eat?” Hina asks.

Maru is glad they’ve seen each other a few times since the other night, or this would feel even more awkward. He still hates to turn him down, but he tells Hina “Sorry, I have plans with Yasu…”

Hina laughs. “Alright then, I won’t tag along. I know I wouldn’t be welcome,” he says, though Yasu is right there. They grin at each other, but Yasu neither contradicts nor stops Hina, to Maru’s relief.

At least Yasu waits till Hina is gone to look at him curiously. “We have plans?”

Maru looks at him apologetically. “I wanted to ask you something,” he gets as far as saying, before he has no idea what to say next.

“Oh, OK,” Yasu says. He’s obviously surprised and trying not to show it. “Um, is here OK? I have to meet someone later…”

Maru shuts his eyes for a moment. “I,” he starts. “I have… something I want to talk about…”

“You already said that,” interrupts Yasu, giggling.

“To someone else,” Maru clarifies. He’s not feeling very patient. “Two someone elses,” he adds, a little quieter.

Yasu nods. “You can tell me about it,” he says encouragingly.

Maru hesitates, chuckling nervously. “Something – happened,” he says, feeling like an idiot. “With someone. And with someone else. And I know nothing else is going to come of it, but…” Maru can feel his face burning – it sounds so stupid when he says it out loud! He feels like such an idiot for having such a problem with something that seems so straightforward. “I want to say something.”

Yasu nods. Maru is grateful he doesn’t just laugh at him for being so pathetic. “But you don’t know how to say it, right?”

“I don’t even know what I’d say,” confesses Maru.

Yasu smiles kindly at him. “It’s not a confession?” he says, just a little teasing.

Maru colours just a little. “Not… really,” he says, smiling like a schoolgirl. “I’m just, y’know… curious.”

“Curiosity is the most fun of all human emotions,” says Subaru.

“Shibuyan!” Maru and Yasu say at the same time.

Subaru is grinning behind Yasu. “What are you curious about, Ryu-chan? Are you trying to get young Yasu here to tell you all the sordid details of his private life?”

“Shibuyan!” Yasu protests, flustered.

Maru is glad he’s not the only one embarrassed anymore; and he’s also glad Subaru doesn’t seem to have heard any more of the conversation. He laughs. “No no, nothing like that,” he says, then adds in a stage whisper to Subaru, “Tell me what you know later, OK?”

Subaru laughs. “Sure,” he says, ignoring Yasu’s blushes. “You wanna come with us? We were going to go out for a drink,” he offers.

Maru is grateful that Subaru isn’t pressing him any further. He’s not sure he’s any closer to solving his dilemma, but maybe he’s got things a bit more in perspective now. There’s nothing wrong with feeling… curious. If he wants answers, he’s going to have to ask questions, it’s as simple as that. What’s the worst that can happen? He thinks _that_ question has already been asked, and the answer was perfectly fine.

He smiles, about to accept Subaru’s offer, but he looks between them and thinks again. He knows he’ll end up telling them more than he wants to after a couple of drinks. It’s too easy, Maru knows. “I’d love to, but I think I’m going to go home, have a quiet night,” he says. “Thanks, though,” he says, and means it.

Subaru and Yasu nod. Yasu gives him an apologetic look as they say goodbye, but Maru is grateful for his understanding and help. It only takes a little push, and Maru is ready to give it a go.

He goes home and thinks, letting his heart race whenever he goes over it in his mind. It’s lodged there now, the idea of what he thinks he should do, and it just looms larger and larger over the next few days, when he can’t do anything about it.

He hopes it’s not a stupid gamble. He hopes it isn’t a step too far, going beyond what he should accept. Maybe, he thinks again, maybe he’s had all he’s owed. He shouldn’t push his luck.

But somehow, seeing how far he can go is always a tempting prospect.

A couple of days later, when he has his new work schedule, he sends two identical text messages.

_‘Hey – how about us three go on another trip? ^_^’_


End file.
